Building Your Romantic Relationship

 In Counseling Connection

Sometimes it’s love at first sight. But then what? Where do you go to build on that first charge of romance? Terry Gorski offers a blueprint of five levels as a guide.

LEVEL I:  Being able to communicate, to  make conversation, to chit chat about — anything.

LEVEL II: Sharing activities of mutual interest. In this stage the activity is more important than the relationship.  So, if you’ve agreed to a movie date and one of you gets sick, the other one will go ahead with the activity. In this case, the activity is more important than the other person.

LEVEL III:  Sharing activities of mutual interest.  Here the relationship or the other person is more important than the activity, e.g., bowling. If one person gets sick or has a change of mind, the other person will choose to stay with the partner rather than going to the bowling team alone.

LEVEL IV:  Commitment. At this level each partner is very important to the other. They have an understanding of exclusivity in romance and they are moving more deeply into the importance of the relationship as central to their total reality.

LEVEL V:  Intimate sexual activity. The partners express their commitment to one another and affirm each other with affectionate or passionate physical interaction to celebrate the relationship.

Sometimes people prefer to reverse the order of Levels IV and V with intimacy coming before commitment, says Mr. Gorski.

However, the levels build upward into each other. If any of the first three levels is missing, you cannot proceed with a mutually gratifying relationship if you can’t make small talk, share common interests, and make the other person a priority in your life.

Think on these things for a deeper Valentine Day 2017.

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